不公平

So this goes hand in hand with my last post.

Perhaps it's just jealousy, but I feel like ever since Jess's line no longer went straight down, everyone's been kind of lavishing the other half of her line. Playing favorites with the other side.

While I am technically Jess's little sis now, I don't even feel like I'm part of her family line. I feel like...my relationship with her isn't even that of Pledge Mom and Kid. It's more like...me and Allie. We're just really closer than others, but there's no special relationship there. Well okay my relationship with Allie is special but I'm sure you know what I mean. I think that's why losing Gina was so hard on me. I knew it would never be the same. Marlene and Jess both lean towards Sammi and that side of the line. And from me down, we're left floating.

Now some people may think that I'm being silly. Of course my side of the family is loved. We get letters from great grand big/grand big and grand big/big sis...but letters aren't the world.

I love my family line...but the truth is that sometimes I wish I did jump. Because I know Laura would have been the big sis that I needed and wanted. After all this time I still feel this giant gap. Maybe it's the same gap that Laura felt with Xera. Will it ever close?