真相大白

So today on my way home from meeting I was utterly sad. It was brought on rather randomly actually.

I have this fear of failure that stops me from doing anything that may involve a "risk". Outside of being a science major (which isn't going so well), the biggest risk I've ever taken was to rush for a sorority and run for Pledge Mom. The second which is the cause of my drama tonight.

I ran for pledge mom in the Spring and didn't get the position. For some reason or another, the pledge mom stepped down from her position and a window of opportunity is once again presented to me. Every time I get the nerve to read my speech, something stands in my way. Now, I'm finally ready and another obstacle stands before me. They open elections up to associates and alumni. I suppose it's reasonable, but one this is for sure. Vivian has never been incredible strong willed and Vivian has never been known to step up to a challenge. So I'm left here with this incredibly trying situation that has me stressing yet again.

So back to being a science major. I have never been once to stay down when I fall. I get up and try again for the most part. Failures are a part of life and I accept that. But when is it time to give up? Everytime I fail and I fall, I lose a bit more hope. And I'm really starting to give up. I've pretty much lost all faith in myself these last two quarters and it has been an extremely trying two quarters. What if what I dream isn't what I was meant to be? Is there a meant to be? There's only one person out there who reads this, so I'm asking you. Is there? Is there hope for me? You know me as well as I do and tell me the truth now, is there any chance at saving me?

My biggest fear was never something quite tangible. My biggest fear is disappointing others. People have put their faith in me and told me that I could do it. And it would tear me to bits to see them let down. And all I'm doing is telling lies and disappointing myself.

So tell me what to do. Tell me how to save myself. To stop disappointing myself and the world around me. To finally step up to the plate. To stop falling behind.

I've scraped my knees and cried and got up and played again. But I feel like this time I've shattered my legs and I'll never walk again.

Just because...

Just because my cousin told me to post, I'm posting. We have this odd little system that we've not really worked out.

So for those of you who don't know, which is most of you, I'm going to Malaysia and Hong Kong in about...two and a half weeks. LOL. Surprise! :D I'm super excited. Retail therapy here I come! It's been so long since I've been to Asia and I plan on making the best of it. I'm going by myself so there aren't any parents to regulate me. :P How fun can this be! Of course since there are no parents, the funding for my shopping is also quite limited...

I'm thinking about what I really want from HK and Malaysia. I'm thinking of a new phone. A hot and handy Samsung U700 sounds good to me. Unless there's something else that tickles my fancy around that time. We will just have to see.

I've had my eye on this phone for a couple of months but I'm sure I'll find something else as soon as I get there. That always seems to be the case with me and electronics. I'm such a geek. It can't be helped. I grew up with boys. While I had Barbie Dolls, I spent much of my childhood playing with Power Rangers and Ninja Turtles. Forget ballet and skating, it was swimming and basketball. More on the swimming of course. There were too many mishaps with my clumsy ass in basketball.

Well, back to my trip planning. I plan on buying all my lovely gadgets for phones and such in Malaysia and Hong Kong. I have a feeling I may come home with more than I left with. With the exception of cash...

I want awesome bluetooth gadgets and maybe a new PDA/Planner and I want some totally fobby stuff for my car.

I would love to continue my babbling but it's 12:17AM and I have an appointment with CAPS at 10:00AM. So...TTFN!

Oh, but before I forget. I feel like I'm going to be turning in my two weeks notice to CVS by the end of this week. I hate the Wicked Witch and all of her evil spies.

流星花园

It seems that everyone is out watching the meteor shower except for me. I just woke up not too long ago from my "nap" so I can't really sleep. But that's fine. I seem to be sleeping later and later these days. This last week I've been sleeping at about 2AM which is rather odd for me. I'm usually in dream land by midnight. Yes. MIDNIGHT. Some of us like to sleep.

So how was your weekend? My weekend was a fun filled weekend of work work work and work. But then again I don't do much at my work. I kinda stand there and stare off into space most of the time. We did a grand total of 33 scripts today. Amazing. This is a trend. On a typical work day, for me, we do about 75 - 100 scripts if we're lucky. Most stores do 300+, usually towards 350+. Nope, not us. I seem to be blessed like that. I never really work at the "busy" stores. With the exception of when I was a lifeguard I guess. That time I worked at the busier of the two pools and my gawd could that place get packed. Mmm...I'm tired again. Over and out!

还没好

I've been drama lately as usual. When is my life not drama? LOL. The Jay Chou concert is ages away. Like...four and a half months away and I'm trying to get everything planned and what not now. I'm getting the tickets done so we can all sit together and I'm rearranging seats here and there and geebuz I've been at that ticketing office so many times it's ridiculous. But it's all in good fun and I know that I will thorougly enjoy this concert just like I did last time. Jay has always held a special place in my heart. <3 So corny. This concert is going to be great. Watch! :D

On a much fobbier note, I'm totally in love with this song:

不能說的秘密(電影[不能說的祕密]主題曲)
作詞：方文山 作曲：周杰倫

冷咖啡離開了杯墊
我忍住的情緒在很後面

拼命想挽回的從前
在我臉上依舊清晰可見

最美的不是下雨天
是曾與妳躲過雨的屋簷
回憶的畫面 在盪著鞦韆 夢開始不甜

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
又何必去改變 已錯過的時間

妳用妳的指尖 阻止我說再見
想像妳在身邊 在完全失去之前

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
或許命運的籤 只讓我們遇見

只讓我們相戀 這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現 這幸福的碎片
要我怎麼撿

冷咖啡離開了杯墊
我忍住的情緒在很後面

拼命想挽回的從前
在我臉上依舊清晰可見

最美的不是下雨天
是曾與妳躲過雨的屋簷

回憶的畫面 在盪著鞦韆 夢開始不甜
妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠

又何必去改變 已錯過的時間
妳用妳的指尖 阻止我說再見
想像妳在身邊 在完全失去之前

妳說把愛漸漸 放下會走更遠
或許命運的籤 只讓我們遇見

只讓我們相戀 這一季的秋天
飄落後才發現 這幸福的碎片
要我怎麼撿

If you don't have it you need to have it. That's all there is to it. Now I must go IM a certain cousin to make him update his blog or he may forget. TTFN!

不能说的秘密

Wow. This is my first real attempt to blog again after so long. So, in a joint effort with my dearest cousin, here I am.

So lately I've been super hectic. I got my diagonosis back from CAPs at school and it is positive for ADHD Inattentive-Impulsive Type. Who woulda thought huh? Well, I suppose some people kinda always knew, like my aunt. But seriously, who would have really thought? I guess I'm doing a little better now that I have medication for it.

By the way, I totally hate my job. I do a lot of bitch work mixed in with other work and I really don't mind save for the fact that the store manager is a bitch. Seriously, I hate her ass SO much. She's not even in charge of me and she's not even my boss! What gives?! Is her front store not busy enough for her that she always has to come into pharmacy and bother us? She comes in every effing morning to complain about us.

"Oh so and so was in the corner hiding."

"So and so was reading a magazine on the side."

"So and so was eating in the corner."

What. The. Flip. This lady has nothing better to do. I'm not even exaggerating. I'm always looking at the camera like "can she see us from here?" Screw her. I'll eat in the back all I want. I'll do whatever the hell I want unless my manager comes in and tells me otherwise. She needs to just get out. Get a life. Stop staring at your damn cameras.

On a lighter note:

不能说的秘密 <--some people know what I'm talkin about. :)