姐姐在那裏？

So the pledges have been driving me insane but that's not what I'm blogging about.

One of our actives made mention that her lil sis said something that was rather hurtful to her. She is reluctant to stay to continue pledging and her big sis doesn't seem to matter enough to her for her to stay, but her pledge sisters do. Normally I'd say that it's a norm, but it's not something you would say to your big sis's face.

When this person told me this my response was obviously that it was rather effed up, but then it was only the second week and nothing is set in stone yet. Her bond with her lil sis will need to be built over time and it's not instantaneous. And of course there was a small bit of concern. All I can say to that is that I wrote the book on fucked up big/lil relationships.

I don't know if I have/had the worst, but sometimes it feels/felt like it. But everything happens for a reason though, right?

I remember one day I stopped and I looked back and I told Laura "I feel like I've grown in the sorority without her..." and she told me I did. And I remember I felt so sad that my big sis wasn't there to watch me grow and progress. I was so sad that she wasn't there when I crossed my lil sis and when I first became a big sis. She wasn't there to watch me take her place as the Philanthropy chair or to watch my lil sis take my place as the philanthropy chair. She wasn't there when I started to take initiative and speak up...

I think because I don't say anything anymore, a lot of people don't think much of it. But those people who were there with me when it happened know that it wasn't nothing. It was a big deal and still is in some senses.

I don't know why I'm posting this or what I'm trying to say...but yeah.